My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
