i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
