Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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