I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
