You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
