Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
