I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
