how hairy? two words: wookie tits
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
