the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
