We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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