guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
