Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
