Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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