DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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