I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
