Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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