What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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