were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
