At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
