you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My pussy is not your playground.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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