Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
