He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
