I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
