so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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