my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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