Im at strip club and am horny
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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