The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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