you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize