Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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