I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
