just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
