Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
