he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He passed out mid-signature
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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