I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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