He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
