I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
