I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
