We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
