Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize