I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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