I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize