I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
