I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
