I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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