would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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