I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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