I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
