There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
