thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love you. Go after that dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize