Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
