I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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