is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Of course I have a pirate flag
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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