About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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