He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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