Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
