I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
