I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
