i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
