my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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