just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize