i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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