I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
